May 2, 2008...9:34 am
NICK SABAN OUT AT ALABAMA, BRYANT BACK IN
AP—Tuscaloosa, AL.—For Immediate Release. No Embargo Stations.
Alabama Director of Athletics Mal Moore announced today a major change in the Crimson Tide football program, making current coach Nick Saban the “Coach Designate” in the future and renaming the late Paul “Bear” Bryant as Head Football Coach and Holder of Dreams at the Tuscaloosa campus.
“We’ve been thinking about this for sometime,” said Moore. “Really, all the Alabama fans still think it is 1978 anyways and that The Bear is still here and that people around the country care about Alabama, so it makes perfect sense to just keep Bryant as our official head coach.”
Saban, caught off-guard by the news and not present at the press conference held outside the Piggly Wiggly on a flat-bed truck, said in a statement that he considered it an honor to work with Bryant and was looking forward meeting with him.
It was unclear whether Saban knew that Bryant passed away in 1983.
Moore said that Saban will continue to handle the day-to-day duties of running the Crimson Tide program, including figuring out how to beat in-state rival Auburn, something most Alabama fans think even a dead guy should be able to do.
“I think Coach Bryant’s mere presence in name should be enough to get us to the SEC title game this year,” Moore said. “Look what an “in-name-only-coach” coach has done for South Carolina the past few seasons and imagine what that approach can do here with our incredibly under-utilized talent. Personally, I’m excited to see what Coach Bryant has in store for us this summer.”
Officials at Tide Pride said donations spiked this morning on the news of Bryant’s return, including a $37.42 donation from a woman in Skipperville that hear the news on her transistor radio. The woman told “Bama officials that she’d been saving the money to go see Chipper Jones play but would rather see it go to Coach Bryant to “help his boys get back on top”. It’s that type of grassroots excitement that Alabama is banking on in 2008 to get anyone outside the southeast to not giggle when folks say, “Roll Tide” and think of Mike Price.
Alabama officials also announced Friday that season tickets would go up another 32% in 2008 to cover the cost of Bryant’s salary.
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1 Comment
May 2, 2008 at 1:23 pm
I guess Texas A&M could do the same with Sherman and Bryant. Bryant is coach enough to improve both programs from the grave.
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